The Bohemian on San Salvador is dangerously close to perfection.The location is spectacular, with a beautiful private beach, crystal clear water, and five saltwater infinity pools because apparently one infinity pool was not sufficiently extravagant. There is also decent snorkeling directly off the beach, so you can spend several days forgetting that the rest of civilization exists.Occasionally, a crab wanders into a pool. You may share the water with him, respecting his vacation choices, or gently yeet him back toward the ocean using your hands or the provided net. All possible crab related contingencies have been considered.The delightful host prepares excellent meals. Request the lentils. This is not a suggestion. It is a command from the culinary throne. Whatever sorcery is performed upon them, they are magnificent.Should you inexplicably decide to leave paradise, visit the lighthouse and the Gerace Research Centre. Club Med also offers day passes for those wishing to mingle with the outside world. Foolish mortals. Between the five pools, private beach, snorkeling, food, and occasional aquatic crab companion, leaving is entirely unnecessary.We have returned multiple times and are already planning future visits. The Bohemian has claimed us. There is no escape. Only lentils. And sometimes crabs.